Before we dated, way before we got married, my lovely wife wrote this poem for me. As today is our 18th anniversary, and since she apparently kept the original, written on the back of a (clean) Hardees burger wrapper (she was working at Hardees when we met), I shall retype it here. For posterity.
Now Ladies looking
for a Good Man
We've got this bachelor
on the stand
We'll start the bidding
close to nil
You can't imagine such a steal
He calls you when he says he will
he happily will foot the bill
He's witty
He's charming
He's debonair
And notice -
Such cute red hair*
Such a good deal cannot last
this one should be going fast
He'll write you poems
He'll bring you flowers
He'll sit and talk with you for hours
He's sweet
He's single
He isn't gay!**
And so much more
that we could say
Ladies Ladies, don't delay
Come and claim this Mike today!
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* Uh, only in my beard. And not so much anymore, much more grey.
** I recall I was afraid that girls thought I was gay - not because I had any problem with people being gay, but I felt that it hurt my chances with them if they dismissed me as unavailable off the bat.***
***I'm not sure WHY I was worried about this. I had NONE of the stereotypical gay attributes. I think I maybe heard some girls talking about it? Or something?
Editing to add: